Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Thoughts from the Road

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Just as abruptly as I left three years ago, I arrived in the same fashion, intoxicated from an overload to my senses.  The reality sets in as every announcement on the plane is given first in Spanish and then in English.  The smell of carbon dioxide from trucks outside ground transport seeps through the airport doors to give the airport a true third world smell.  Maybe it’s paranoia, but you get the feeling that everyone can tell exactly how much cash you have and where your laptop is tucked.  I have to admit, I was feeling a bit nervous during my journey.  There were moments on the plane where I started to feel faint.  Then I realized I was holding my breath.  Lesson number one—remember to breathe.
Traveling in a country like Honduras requires an adolescent, adventurist behavior coupled with responsibility for yourself and every action you take that can only come from adulthood.  It is the combination of young curiosity and adult discovery.  Even if you don’t believe it, you must know and have faith that the future is already written; that is the only way to let go of situations in which you have no control; and trust me, the majority of the situations are out of my control.
My trip started out in Columbus with me auditing an in-flight class titled ‘how to be an idiot’.  I will give you a rough outline of the transcript.  I was pissed at the time because it was 5 am, but now I can look back and give it a hearty laugh.
People come to third world countries for different reasons—some come to do business, some come to volunteer, and some come to meet their prostitute girlfriend in a shanty Mexican town.  Flying from Columbus to Miami, I was unfortunately subjected to a very LOUD conversation regarding cheap prostitution in Mexico.  A gentleman told the guy next to him that he was going to Mexico to see his girlfriend.  Mind you, these guys just met.  Upon further probing (no pun intended), the passenger asked the right question,
“So, what does your girlfriend do for a living in Mexico.” 
“She’s a prostitute.”
“HAHAHAHA no really, what does she do!”
“She is a prostitute.”
“Dude, you are cracking me up! What does she do!”
A serious expression sweeps over his face.  “Seriously, she is a prostitute.”
“You don’t care that your girlfriend is a prostitute?”
“If I did do you think I would be flying to Mexico to see her?”
“Man, I’ve done some F***ked up Sh*t in my day, but that takes the cake!”

“So what is it you do that allows for you to take frequent trips to Mexico to see her?”
“Well, I used to work for Goldman Sacs in London, but I had a stroke so I am on disability.”
“Wow, how old are you?”
“I was 29 when I had the stroke.”
“And the doctors had no idea what happened?”
“No, they said they have no idea”
“You’re not a smoker are you?”
“Yeah, I have been smoking for years, but that couldn’t be it…”

Writing that downe is like coming up with a sequel to 'Bevis and Butthead Do America'.

A Couple minutes later...

“Now, just out of curiosity, how much might one of these girls cost?”
“70 dollars.  And when I say 70 dollars, that is the deluxe package.  One minute, one hour, or the whole night.  Doesn’t matter…."

Yesterday and today I have been walking around the city running errands and getting acclimated to my surroundings.  The hotel I am in right now is extremely nice and neighbors the president's house.  There are automatic weapons surrounding both the hotel and the presidential palace so pending a revolution, I feel pretty safe right now.  The city definitely has some hills.  Definitely not a good place for a marathon.  Speaking of marathon, I met a woman on the elevator today and she was wearing a Columbus Marathon t-shirt from this year!  Who would have thought I would see that in Honduras?

I wasn't expecting my first blog to be so vulgar, so here are a couple pictures to give you a taste of my surroundings...



  1. Appreciate the reading material, good luck and if you need $70 let me know

  2. Is there any sort of group rate? $70 seems kind of pricey these days.

  3. Loved the read. So funny and entertaining. Looking forward to the next post. Enjoyed the pics... Surprised at how busy the city looks. Can't wait for jungle pictures. Wonder what the Columbus person was doing there?

  4. El Ferro, good post, you are on fire. How tall are you?

  5. Hi Patrick!!! My name is Kim and my mom (Deanne Green) works at the 5/3 retail helpline :) She showed me your blog. I'm so jealous of you! I love and miss Honduras. It's a beautiful country with wonderful people. Hope you're having fun! I'll be reading your stories!

  6. Really love all the posts you offer! I am so looking forward to seeing more like them…..
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